So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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