we made out on top of his cat.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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