What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
