I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
