it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
