Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
