This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
