the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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