so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
