my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
