He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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