I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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