Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
