Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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