i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
