his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
