i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Drunk is not a location!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
