is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
