saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I need water and some morals
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
