She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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