omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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