sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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