Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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