but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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