Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
