I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
