New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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