Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
