I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
