I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
