Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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