So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
