Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
