are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
