We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
