I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize