no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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