margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
