i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize