He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
