Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
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