i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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