Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
