Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
