i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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