Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
