I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
