Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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