it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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