whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
