Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
