it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
