hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
