that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
