rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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