So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
