wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
