remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
