I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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