I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
