Only a mothe r could love this liver
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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