I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize