some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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