He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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