I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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