You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
