Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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