In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
