Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
